Foot in Mouth Day

Just when I think I know what I'm doing, I have a day like today. I came into the office today, sat down at my computer, and started in on emails. I was pretty excited, because I received a few messages regarding the cross-country bike trip I'm planning for 2009...things are starting to come together, and it really made me happy.

Then the regional director comes in and pulls up a chair in front of my desk. He says, “Kendal, we have a problem. Yesterday, you called (co-worker) Jenny a really bad name, and she's very upset.”

Well...I was little dumbfounded. I certainly don't make a habit of cussing at my co-workers, especially in a second language. So I go over in my head what happened yesterday...

We were just getting warmed up for our theatre group after work. We were playing a silly little game, where everyone stands in a circle and has to assume animal characters (Elephants, Rabbits, Donkeys...) when the leader calls on them, and if they do it wrong, they're “out” and have to become the leader. It's sort of like 'Simon Says', but a lot faster. ANYWAY, Jenny was participating, and didn't enjoy very much being called “out” and going in the middle. It was becoming a bit of a power struggle between her and the teens, and eventually I stepped in and said, “The point isn't to argue about the rules, but to just keep going and having fun.” We played a few more rounds, and when Jenny got called “out” again, she wasn't too happy about it. I said to her, in front of the group, “Why do you have to fight it every time? You're so stubborn!”

Well, at least that's what I thought I said. And I admit, even that was a little strong to say in front of the group. I was definitely in the wrong there. But now let's go over the words that I used...

I've often heard parents say to their kids, when they are being stubborn, “Vos sos burro!,” which literally means, “You're a DONKEY!” I didn't know any other word for stubborn, and since I had heard parents say it to their kids, I thought it could be used affectionately to mean “stubborn.” So that's what I said. I told her she was a donkey. Not to mention the fact that I was frustrated, so I probably didn't say it with an affectionate tone. It probably sounded to her more like, “You're a jackass!” And I said it in front of our class.

So now I get why she didn't want to participate for the rest of the class. I didn't realize that the words I had used were so strong, and I was actually kind of proud of myself for using a slang word...thinking that was a sign that I really understood the language. I also thought it was particularly clever, since DONKEYS played a prominent role in the game we were playing. I thought Jenny was being a poor sport when she sat down and worked at her computer the rest of the night.

Well you can imagine the sinking feeling in my chest as the regional program director explained this to me. I felt like the jackass...having so insulted my superior, my mentor, let alone another human being, in front of our group. It's one of those moments that happens every now and then, just when I'm a little too confident in myself with the language, culture, or work that I'm doing...when I just get knocked down to size. And so today I also learned how to say, “I am so, so sorry that I did something to hurt your feelings...”